Monday, January 16, 2006,3:36 AM
Idiot's guide to Malaysian driving etiquette

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  1. When a slow driver blocks you in the right lane of the highway, drive up closely and tailgate him/her till you're given way.

  2. Flash at other drivers when they are in your way so that they will skittishly move to the other lane (Tip: change your headlights to the Xenon or HID lamps which are brighter and more intimidating, look for the ones not permitted by JPJ).

  3. If the traffic light turns to yellow, speed up quickly, there is usually a 2-3 second delay on the other side of traffic lights before it turns green.

  4. If you see something that resembles a traffic police officer or a speed camera sitting precariously in the median strip, slow down as soon as possible.

  5. Be very very careful of flyovers and bridges spanning across a highway, these spots are a favourite for the traffic police to set up a speed trap.

  6. If its too late to slow down or there's a car in front of you when a speed trap is sighted, tailgate the car ahead of you, the speed camera might not be able to "see" your number plate.

  7. Be a good member of the society, flash rapidly with your high beams at the opposing traffic to warn them of an impending speed camera or police road block.

  8. When an officer stops you for an offence and the first thing he says is, "Apa pasal you speeding? Sekarang kan dah susah? Saman 300 ringgit mahal tau tak? Macam mana nak settle?" The keyword here is "settle" as in "How much do you have in your wallet right now?"

  9. If you're about to miss an exit and you're in the right lane of the highway, quickly cut into the exit before there's no space left for you to move. Don't mind the other drivers, God gave them eyes to see you recklessly moving across three lanes, they should be able to avoid you.

  10. Every traffic light or a gap in the median strip is a place for you to make a U-turn. Unless there's a no U-turn sign there or most importantly, a traffic policeman or a patrol car is nearby.

  11. Every kerbside is a parking spot as long as cars and trucks can squeeze thru the limited space next to your car.

  12. If a kerb is low enough for you to get on or you're driving some big-ass pickup truck, just park on the sidewalk, I'm sure there's enough space for people to walk pass.

  13. When you spot an accident, slow down and if possible take a look at how major is the accident. By slowing down, you're giving chance to the drivers behind you to take a look too.

  14. When you're in an accident, negotiate as soon as possible with the other driver without moving your car from the spot where it happened.

  15. If you're driving thru Bangsar's Jalan Telawi area, Jalan P. Ramlee clubs, Heritage Row clubs, or anywhere there's a lot of pedestrian or by-standers, blast your radio and place your hand out with a cigarette in hand, just to show that "you have arrived", no matter how crappy is your car.

To be continued.....

 
posted by azreey
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