Malaysia is certainly in a very trying time nowadays, from what I've read at the online blogs and news. From Dr. Mahathir calling Pak Lah pembohong (liar) and Khairy's racially-inclined statement, to the calls for a review on the judicial crisis of 1988 and hopelessness of the Malaysian media in reporting the right news to the people. And then there's the crooked bridge issue coupled with the loss-making Proton with its sale of MV Agusta for 1 Euro. Now to add a little spice, some of us have been welcomed at Guantanamo, proudly representing Malaysia and terrorism. That's not including the probability of yet another UMNO crisis.

An Australian friend of mine asked me about Dr. Mahathir, I told him that whatever happened during his time was the result of people having two sides of themselves, both good and bad. Then I asked him what he thought of Dr. Mahathir. His answer reverberated through me like waves in a small pond. What he said is eerily true, our ex-PM, during his tenure, has garnered too much power that eversince Pak Lah took over, there is a power vacuum that needs to be filled. And obviously, it's not that hard for us to see the "forces" acting upon this. There's a reaction for every action.

We, on the other hand, are living in the shadow of an era marked by economic growth and changes in the social and political order. It's a tough act to follow for us and Pak Lah to continue this trend, with the determined Dr. M watching everything when he senses Pak Lah is not doing his job well. Meanwhile, Pak Lah is not really saying anything much at all, probably dismissing Dr. M as just another grumpy old man. Nevertheless, two powers, no matter if they're old or new, can't exist in single space or else a spark will set of a series of unstoppable chain reaction. Which one is our Prime Minister now?

It got me thinking, there are so much uncertainties ahead of us in the near future. We have gone so far just to go back to this disgraceful state of finger pointing and blatant incompetencies. This political rollercoaster ride has started long ago before we even felt it moving and the wheels are giving away soon. Grateful to what we've become for the past 49 years, we cannot let anyone or anything stop our slow but steady pace forward. Just like me, on my 21st birthday, shouldn't let myself fall over because certain things are making me feel frustrated and lose spirit. We are at a crossroad here...

Okay, Malaysia's 49 years old now, but is our country behaving like a 49 years old? I think not, with what happened a couple of weeks back, like someone said something stupid and got his ass on fire, I think some of us are more like a spoon-fed spoilt brat of early teens. Its a sad thing, considering that we're on the verge of celebrating 50 years of nation building.

So is it still okay for us to wave the Jalur Gemilang and celebrate Merdeka?

To me, Merdeka is not just a day to mark our independence from the imperialists, those days are long gone. What Merdeka should be is the strength of our ability to uphold unity and progress as Malaysians, without any racial, religion and political overtones. Malaysians must learn how to put aside their differences and refer themselves as Malaysians and not by their race. Malaysians abroad identify themselves as Malaysians but those in the country don't really refer themselves this way, racial identity comes first. After 49 years, we still harbour this form of identification.

It's not going to be an easy thing to change. We will eventually in the future arrive at a crossroad where our differences don't mean a thing and have to move forward as one, unsegregated force. This is such an important thing for Malaysia. Sometimes I feel that we're living in a golden age and its end is pretty near. But, as always, I'm hoping that someone will prove me wrong.

Anyway, being in a foreign country, it somehow made me feel rather proud to be a Malaysian, although it never really occured to me how much I felt for my country when I'm back home. Putting aside all the corruption we read in the media, bureaucratic red-tape, snatch theft, traffic jams, lousy politics, the great things we have are something that can't be repeated in other countries. This bit of "specialty" is what makes Malaysians Malaysians. That's what I discovered when I'm in Melbourne.

What's your wish for Merdeka?